Crown Straightener: Creating a More Positive Culture Among Women

In this episode, we’re chatting about being a “crown straightener”—a friend who lifts others up and helps them see themselves the way God does. Instead of giving in to comparison or criticism, we can create a culture of love and encouragement by celebrating each other’s wins and showing up in the hard moments. 

Join us for a heartfelt chat about building real, God-centered friendships that inspire and strengthen.

Episode Highlights: 

• Being a crown straightener.
• Don’t be afraid to be an encourager.
• The power of our words.

Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on Purpose Beyond Motherhood and :

• Twelve 12 Ministries Website
• IG Handle: @twelve12ministries
• Facebook: @twelve12ministries
• Email: info@twelve12ministries.org 
• Visit the Twelve 12 Ministries Shop

This show has been produced by Adkins Media Co.

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Transcript

Twelve 12 Ministries (00:00.962)
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Purpose Beyond Motherhood podcast from 1212 Ministries. We are so excited that you're here. We have a really special episode for you today. It's just Holly and I just sharing and talking and Holly, what are we talking about?

Holly (00:19.203)
Guys, this has just been on my heart for like two months. I wanted to talk about being a crown straightener among women, among your friends, among your community, because I think there's just such a need for it. So it's something that I think I saw it on Instagram and I was like, I love that term. Like instead of kicking somebody while they're down, essentially, you're like adjusting them to be the best version of themselves they can be, you're just...

Twelve 12 Ministries (00:33.357)
Yes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (00:44.45)
Yeah.

Holly (00:48.111)
helping them see that. So the first thing that I thought about was that I think there's such a need to be encouraging and break the cycle of comparison among women. And then so hard, like it sounds like, yeah, encourage each other and break the cycle of comparison. the older I get, the more I realize how much I need the people in my life that are not comparing, that are not...

Twelve 12 Ministries (00:48.749)
Yes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (00:59.872)
Mmm, that's so hard.

Twelve 12 Ministries (01:17.036)
Yes.

Holly (01:18.703)
measuring me by any means. So I think when it comes to infertility, it's like, don't measure your journey against someone else's. Don't measure your how many embryos you got or when your last IUI was, or if you got to talk to the best doctor, so to speak, that you think is the best doctor. But really, they might think there's, you know, all of the things that come with that. And then with motherhood, I think

Twelve 12 Ministries (01:20.684)
Mm-hmm.

Twelve 12 Ministries (01:28.867)
Yes.

Holly (01:48.641)
It can be really interesting, like just seeing how hard some mothers work to look like they have it all together or the pressure to look like you have it all together. when in reality, I think there's much more weight and much more authenticity and much deeper friendships come with being like, Hey, I'm about to lose it. Can you, can you come over and bring your kids and it'll be fine.

Twelve 12 Ministries (01:56.45)
Mm hmm. Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (02:13.174)
Yes.

Holly (02:18.499)
But yes, I think about that and just the weight of that, the weight as women that we carry to not allow the enemy to build walls between us where we have to like have this perfectly manicured, I don't know, home, Instagram, you know, there's just things that I think the world has placed on us that maybe our mothers didn't have to deal with. And I just want to call them out and help women be more aware of them.

Twelve 12 Ministries (02:28.61)
Mm-hmm.

Twelve 12 Ministries (02:36.194)
Right.

Twelve 12 Ministries (02:44.369)
Mmm. That's good.

Holly (02:48.471)
The second thing that I think about a lot too is just celebrating each other. So I think it's easy to, someone tells you something great and you're like, wow, you got to do X, Y, Z. wish I got just instead of going down that vein and that lane of thought, just choosing to celebrate them. I think about the verse it's, I think it's Romans 12, 15 rejoice with those who rejoice and we put those who we, I think that completely levels the enemy at his knees.

Twelve 12 Ministries (03:07.864)
Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (03:12.834)
Mm-hmm.

Holly (03:18.467)
whenever we do that. And just in the culture, especially in Dallas, Fort Worth, I think the culture can be more, I don't know, what shoes do you have? What are you wearing? Just things that really don't matter. Like I get very irritated with things that the world or like Dallas, Fort Worth is telling me I should own that literally don't matter. I'm like, just because that's the trend for the last six months. I mean, if you like that and

Twelve 12 Ministries (03:28.408)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Don't matter. Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (03:39.596)
Yes.

Holly (03:47.715)
That's what you want to do. You go for it. But don't just get it because you feel like you need to to like keep up. Something that I have learned through our infertility journey and through my motherhood journey as well. And this is kind of just another little point in here. These aren't very organized, but they are in my mind. It's just if you feel or you see something with a mom like

Twelve 12 Ministries (03:51.808)
Yes, and you have to keep up. Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (04:09.835)
You

Holly (04:17.167)
If the Lord impresses something upon your heart and you're like, I need to tell her that. But it's not a negative thing. I'm talking about like a positive thing. If the Lord puts something on your heart where you're like, I need to tell her that. Don't be afraid to like text the mom and be like, hey, this happened today. I really admired the way you handled it. Or I've noticed you've been doing X, Y, or Z. That's so cool. I don't know, just.

Twelve 12 Ministries (04:35.704)
Yeah.

Holly (04:41.933)
If there's a verse that comes to mind, even if it doesn't, you don't think it applies, just send it, like send the text, reach out, don't be afraid to connect, don't be afraid to like encourage with scripture or with like truth that the Lord gives you. I think it's easy to get in our own heads and then think that's not helpful or that's gonna be embarrassing if that doesn't apply. I think you just say like, hey, this is on my heart, take it or leave it. This is what I feel like I wanted to encourage you with.

Twelve 12 Ministries (04:59.298)
Mm-hmm.

Holly (05:12.237)
Because again, I think just that competition piece, the striving, measuring ourselves, I think being a crown straightener means you're coming in to adjust them, to help them see themselves the way the Lord sees them really. And I think, especially now that I know I will be raising a girl household.

Twelve 12 Ministries (05:17.42)
Yes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (05:26.678)
Amen.

Holly (05:35.149)
Sweet Kenny, she's little. So whenever I'm like, like this happened, she's like, well, my bub, I'm like, no, Kenny, we're, we're talking about your friend. Like this is what's going on in your friend's world. So let's make sure like we check on them today or like trying to teach her from this age because the world wants them to think it's just like the Kenley show. And that's not how I want her to live her life because that's not real. That's not what Jesus did. And

Twelve 12 Ministries (05:43.586)
Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (05:56.558)
You

Holly (06:04.193)
I just think everything is so self-focused for our children and for us that it's just like a struggle and a daily choice to choose to be like even little things guys, like if there's something in your friend's tooth.

Twelve 12 Ministries (06:14.859)
Mm-hmm.

Twelve 12 Ministries (06:20.462)
Let him know.

Holly (06:22.827)
Let them know if they have lipstick on their teeth, if their eyeliner is like, no. If the picture you took, you're like, that like your eyes were closed. Don't don't post a picture where their eyes are closed or don't like, you know, it's just it doesn't have to be. I'm talking about like deeper things, but also little things like be the girl that's like, hey, your tag showing. hey, your shirt's on backwards. Like whatever it is. Don't be afraid to just.

Twelve 12 Ministries (06:31.886)
Your eyes are closed. Don't close your eyes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (06:42.477)
Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (06:49.912)
Yeah.

Holly (06:52.729)
help them. Like I think the positivity, creating a more positive culture among women, I think is so necessary and just breaking down the, what's your aesthetic of your Instagram feed? Like, no, at the end of the day, that does not matter. Like just because this influencer looks like she had a glam squad come in, she probably did, probably did. And that is not your life and that is okay. You are called something else. So I think just.

Twelve 12 Ministries (07:02.062)
Mm-hmm.

Holly (07:21.847)
Making everything feel more authentic and approachable and just creating a level playing field among women that focuses on building each other up and not comparing is a very big deal to me right now.

Twelve 12 Ministries (07:38.03)
That is so good, Holly, about leveling the playing field. Yeah.

Holly (07:41.753)
Yes, like don't, don't create obstacles in your relationships. Don't make things feel funky cause you're like struggling with, don't know, feeling jealous or comparing your situation or I mean, infertility and being a mom and being a wife, there's just so many areas where I think the enemy tries to like really dig at us and I'm not here for it. And I think creating that culture and teaching our daughters.

Twelve 12 Ministries (07:55.564)
Mm-hmm.

Holly (08:11.789)
And our friends, how to be a crown straightener, how to like help them see and be the best version of themselves. If you have that opportunity to, think is just crucial.

I like I just talked for 10 minutes straight. I'm sorry.

Twelve 12 Ministries (08:25.398)
No, I just think that that was so good. I loved all of those things. And so, I mean, how do you think that we can be maybe a little bit more intentional to do that, to focus our eyes less on ourselves and more on, you know, our friend or neighbor or the woman that we just see walking across the street?

Holly (08:44.163)
Yes. Yeah. I mean, I think if I like see someone that I'm like, you look beautiful, I just tell them. And I think that that's important. Then I have noticed my child will, I like, she'll notice things and I'm like, maybe we don't want to say that super loud. Like she'd be like, why is there, I don't know what we were doing. I don't know, but just like, yeah, sorry, tangent.

Twelve 12 Ministries (08:51.245)
Mm-hmm.

Twelve 12 Ministries (08:57.87)
You

Twelve 12 Ministries (09:04.92)
her.

Holly (09:11.457)
I think actually asking the Lord maybe in your quiet time or just when you're driving, if your kids are at school and you have a moment in the car or if you don't have kids yet or you're a single lady driving around with whatever stage you're at, I think just asking the Lord like, Hey, who could I encourage today? Like give me someone maybe like every Tuesday when you're driving, you're like, Lord, give me someone that I need to reach out to today and just encourage. Or if he gives you like a song that makes you think of them or that

Twelve 12 Ministries (09:24.312)
Mm-hmm.

Twelve 12 Ministries (09:29.155)
Really.

Twelve 12 Ministries (09:36.163)
Mm-hmm.

Holly (09:41.251)
might bless them in some way. It's just little things. think we like over do it. Like you don't need to, you can buy them flowers or something, but that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying like the heart and the authentic connection piece is more powerful than the tangible. And I think just expressing any positive thing you see or just that you were thinking about them and the Lord put them on your heart. That stuff blesses people, even if you're like, Hey,

Twelve 12 Ministries (09:46.421)
Yes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (10:07.212)
Yes.

Holly (10:07.789)
You're out my heart this morning just that I text you and tell you like, I think you're doing great. It just it goes so much further than we think.

Twelve 12 Ministries (10:15.815)
yeah.

Holly (10:16.687)
So yeah, I don't know.

It's just, yes. And I think I also have learned with people, there are people in my life that I love a lot and I'll be like, you're so easy to love. And they'll look at me like I have three heads. And I'm like, I'm serious. Like you're, that you just never know the power of the words that you're speaking and what that could heal within them and what that could shift and what that's breaking down that the enemy's placed in their head. Like I think.

Twelve 12 Ministries (10:21.138)
I think it's great.

Twelve 12 Ministries (10:40.022)
Yes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (10:48.867)
Yeah.

Holly (10:49.795)
We just all think we have to have it so together and letting your friends know when you don't have it together, letting them know when you need help or realizing it in them as well. Just being that hyper self-awareness of like, hey, you seemed a little off, like, are you okay? You know, just the check-ins, the encouragement, the consistency of that I think is extremely important.

Twelve 12 Ministries (11:02.126)
Mm-hmm.

Twelve 12 Ministries (11:16.555)
Amen.

Holly (11:17.871)
because you just never know. You never know what someone, even if you like tell someone like, I love your shoes. I'm not saying this has to be like mind blowing. Like you just never know what kind of day they're having. And again, if you encounter someone that is having a bad day and does respond like abrasively or rudely, most likely the nice thing that you spoke to them is gonna stick in their head later. And they're gonna be like, that actually helped me or wish I could say sorry if I was a little.

Twelve 12 Ministries (11:19.426)
Right, Yes, yeah. It's just something simple.

Holly (11:46.751)
rude in that moment. But I just think I want women to really challenge themselves to not create a culture of competition and to choose to create a culture of crown straightening and picking up our friend if they trip or you know just that kind of culture is so much more important to me than anything else.

Twelve 12 Ministries (11:56.622)
Mm-hmm.

Twelve 12 Ministries (12:03.843)
Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (12:08.192)
It is. Yeah. And I think too, if you're on the receiving end of that, of just, the encouragement, you know, of just where that, you know, competition comes in, it's okay to, to celebrate it, you know, cause oftentimes, I don't know if you do this, sometimes I do and someone's like, Hey, I love your shirt. I'm like, Target, you know, or I got it on sale or this is so old, you know, why can't we just be like, thank you so much.

Holly (12:12.527)
Hmm.

Holly (12:20.505)
Yes.

Holly (12:30.743)
Every time.

Yes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (12:36.554)
I'm so grateful. Thank you.

Holly (12:37.679)
I'm really bad about that actually. Some of my friends give me a hard time because I have some really lovely replica handbags and if anyone compliments it, I'm like, this is from China or like, this is not from here. This is not real. And they're like, Holly, just say like, thank you. But I'm like, no, I need them to know, which is so funny. It probably means I like shouldn't carry fancy things because they're not, A, they're not real and B, I automatically tell people they're not real. So it's

Twelve 12 Ministries (12:55.246)
Thank you.

Holly (13:07.343)
Yes, but you're so right. Or my dad always laughs. He's like, why do you have to tell me how much that costs? I'm like, dad, was 25 bucks a target. And he's like, literally just told you I liked your shirt. Like just take it and be okay with it. Yeah. Any kind of compliment like that. I think we're always kind of what's the word like framing it to be like, thanks. Like we don't really let it sink into our heart. We just try to let it like bounce off of us. So I think

Twelve 12 Ministries (13:16.535)
Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (13:32.663)
Mm-hmm.

Holly (13:36.099)
really taking that to heart and being like, thank you. Like that was so kind of someone's like complimenting anything. Something about your marriage, something about your, yeah, just learning to accept that and take it like authentically receive it, which is hard for women.

Twelve 12 Ministries (13:50.018)
Yes, it is so hard. Okay, I have another random question. Why is it so hard though to tell people that they have something in their teeth or lipstick on their teeth? Why is it so hard? It's hard for me. Like even if it's like I'm just now, I feel like I'm just now doing that with Darren. Like I'm just now feeling like comfortable that I can be like, yo, you have something in your teeth.

Holly (13:54.467)
Yes.

Holly (14:00.143)
Honestly, it is so hard.

Holly (14:12.207)
Stop.

Holly (14:18.767)
Stop it right now. You know, maybe being married to my husband who is very like black and white and always himself has helped me, that probably is because of him. Because I think one of my very best friends, one of her biggest fears is having something in her teeth. And if she's listening to this, she's gonna laugh. So I will always, I'm like, I will always tell you. Or even if I'm like, I think there's something and then there's not, I'm like, I would rather tell her, knowing her, that I'm like,

Twelve 12 Ministries (14:36.856)
Ha ha!

Twelve 12 Ministries (14:46.102)
Yes.

Holly (14:48.705)
Okay, nevermind. But it is hard. And then it's like, I always try to find a way to say it like slyly. I don't know, but that is hard in itself. Yes. Okay.

Twelve 12 Ministries (14:54.819)
Mm-hmm.

Like you have something in your teeth. Yes. No, that's good. I'm gonna, I am going to be strong and courageous in the next person that I see that has something in their teeth or has lipstick on their teeth. I'm gonna let them know. I don't wanna say sweet friend. You just have something on your teeth. I just wanna let you know. I'm straightening your crown.

Holly (15:10.221)
Yes.

Holly (15:14.691)
Yeah. Yes. I just. Yes, I mean, it's such a tiny little thing to do, but I think like, hey, there is value. Yes, there is value in that. And I think if I'm ever somewhere and I get in the car and there's something in my tooth, I will text the people I was with and be like, really? Really? None of you are going to tell me this. Yeah, it's just a different. I don't know. It just it really does level that playing field. It makes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (15:23.468)
It makes all the difference in the world.

Holly (15:43.693)
And people appreciate the authenticity of that. I think it's rare for some reason. I don't know, but it's so needed. And it's something that I don't want it to be rare. I want it to be normal. And I want Kenley to be like comfortable to be like, I don't teaching her that at a young age or me learning that as an adult. I want it to trickle down and her to do the same for her friends and celebrate her friends and not be competitive.

Twelve 12 Ministries (15:46.776)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Twelve 12 Ministries (16:07.137)
Mm-hmm. yeah.

Yes.

Holly (16:12.751)
I'm like, you're five, I know, but I don't want any of, I want to start it now. But yeah, that's really it. That's what was on my heart.

Twelve 12 Ministries (16:15.847)
Mmm, that's good.

Twelve 12 Ministries (16:23.256)
Yes, so go out and strengthen someone's crown today or this week. Straighten it. and if you straighten someone's crown, please let us know. Like email us or tag us on socials and we want to see how you are encouraging and equipping and just helping others just in this season of, you know, there's a lot of things going on in the world. And so this is like,

Holly (16:27.107)
Yes, straighten that thing.

Holly (16:35.257)
Yes.

Twelve 12 Ministries (16:51.662)
how we can be the hands and feet of Jesus. It's just straight, straighten, strengthen, straighten.

Holly (16:57.231)
So if it's crooked, like it's crooked and you're gonna straighten it. I do, feel like preach, especially since we just went through an election season where I'm like, it's easy to decide. You wanna argue about something, listen, whatever you do or you don't agree on, you finding something like kind to say to someone, even if they have on a shirt of someone you don't like or, know, I'm like, don't be like that. Just try to find something. I'd be like, you have a great day.

Twelve 12 Ministries (17:00.194)
You're gonna straighten it. Gotcha. Straighten someone's crop.

Twelve 12 Ministries (17:21.696)
Mm-hmm. Nope.

Holly (17:26.371)
But don't say it sarcastically, like really mean it.

Twelve 12 Ministries (17:26.764)
Yes. I love it. Okay, tag us you guys when you're straightening someone else's crown. We can't wait to see these. Just keep encouraging each other. Keep following Jesus. And we are so proud of you. We will see you guys next week.

Holly (17:31.385)
Really mean it. But yeah. Yep.

Holly (17:44.417)
Love y'all, bye.